Hillbilly Virus: Rambling Preamble

An empty dog is like a sock drawer filled with crushed soda crackers.  The waltzing hog behind my ear is posing as a hearing aid but his hooves are in flames and the fat is melting right off his body.  He is howling like the wind.  The only thing that can resolve this turgid situation would be if I were able to get a chainsaw and cut Charlie Brown in half, following the jagged line across the front of his sweater.  I will have to get back to you on that.