(this is nothing like the original version from 1969 - much grimmer - but I guess it is as good of a place to start as any. Mostly written in the late 1980s. We'll just get this nasty stuff out of the way. All illustrations are copyright Scott, Foresman & Co. and I'm not trying to steal them if anybody cares).
DICK AND JANE GET SPACED OUT
"You don't know the half of it,"
says fat one-legged man to Dick.
"Call me Ishmael again you shit -"
Dick spits hot oil -
"And I watch your blubber boil!"
Throwing fist full of presidents
Dick grabs tiki god incensed
bobble-head nodding, noggin ripe
and filled clear up with China White.
In filthy flat, Jane lays back
slaps & pops a tired vein
to get a React. Dick he gots
the tiki head
lays it open on the bed
Decision is already made
Wincing while he cooks it up
Jane spits, then slits
then waits for Dick to hook her up.
Oh Look, see Jane
spike the vein
Then in rides the rainbow train.
With a head on, down they drops
time stops -
a floating cloud of lemon drops
John the Baptist with a side of fries.
Grade One primer? Not this time
Hang on Sloopy side of tracks
hope no one cracks, no one dies
from doing a Dimer Oh Lord please
just no more Flies.
Sorry not the one you read
This D & J must find their way
text book tots will feed the head
No bright Spots, just lots of Puffs
In 1st grade lit some roads gets rough.
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