<< THIS IS HILLBILLY VIRUS PART SIX, or something like that. Don't start in the middle. It won't make any difference anyway, but don't do it. >>
How does it travel? Everybody wants to know. Dead people and Republicans don't want to know as bad as everybody else. They are both trying to figure out how to make money off it.
Rumors fly. Bad advice and melting ice cream cones. Shoeless indigents quote William Burroughs but don't know why. Hundreds die from injecting Kool-Aid into their veins; others swallow too much air and their heads pop. All in an effort to stop the pain, stop the progress, stop the presses and keep on keepin' on.
Word goes around that anyone who drives a Dodge Coronet across the state line will be immune. Many are already displaying symptoms and are unable to drive an automatic transmission. Plus most of the old Coronets are up on blocks in Tennessee or else have raccoons living in the radiator. Just the thought of becoming a hillbilly panics so many - they break out in hives, they stick their heads in bee hives, the try to swallow Adirondack chairs, washing the fragments down with white lightning until their craw is jammed full and they die. Die, die, die. It's the one thing anybody can still do - smart, stupid, everything in between including television evangelism. But nobody watches TV anymore. Most of the sets have been made into bunkbeds or moonshine stills. Programming-wise, this closes the gap on room for improvement.
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